Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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