Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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