he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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