They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
