New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
