Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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