i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
