i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
