Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
