So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I smell like Dick and happiness
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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