what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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