I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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