I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
