Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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