I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My ass is underappreciated
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
