I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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