I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
