nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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