I'm gonna have a badass scar
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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