THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So vagazzling was a success
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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