Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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