Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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