I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
