There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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