it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize