3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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