dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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