I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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