I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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