It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
