so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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