Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
