At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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