Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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