Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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