Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ttyl tear gas
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
