so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize