I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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