How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
