do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
