I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
