I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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