and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
