Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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