ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
as a side note pls kill me
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