my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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