Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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