I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
