So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
