Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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