Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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