i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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