So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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