Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
