she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
