Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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