i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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