I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
