You work out of a Hotel?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
