Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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