I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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