I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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