What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
