a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
false alarm. still invincible.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
