I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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