you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
